- more thoughts for Jenifer — Gloria, Mon Jan 6 21:44
- your friend, and help available — Diane Cheryl, Mon Jan 6 11:01
- Her way or the highway — Anonymous, Fri Jan 17 10:05
- other help — Diane Cheryl, Fri Jan 17 12:42
- You're the "EXPERT" — Anonymous, Fri Jan 17 15:31
Casey
Re: your friend
Thu Jan 2 14:59:19 2003
Gloria~
I read what you wrote, and you made a lot of good points. The first thing I told Jenifer (my best friend) is that she needs to do what's best for her. Don't make the mistake I did, and try to protect, help, or please the father, thinking he'll be around after the abortion. It doesn't always work that way, although sometimes it does. In my case, it didn't, and I told her about my experience. She already knew about everything, but there were things I still hadn't told her about. I want her to do what is best for her, and if that is an abortion, then so be it. I'm not going to talk her out of an abortion if that's her choice, and I'm not going to talk her into one if it's not. I care about her, and her being happy with her decision matters more to me than how the father would feel. Jenifer has talked about it with the father, and like Jeff, he'll support her. I told her that Jeff told me the same thing, and that ended up putting pressure on me to make the decision alone. Sure, he was behind me, but he didn't make the decision with me. I can't change her mind with whatever direction she goes, because it's hers to make. She did tell me, though, that if I had kept my daughter, she would probably keep her child, too. It's a best friend thing, I suppose, but she is only being supportive.
If I had kept my child, I know things would have been different. Jeff has plans to move from Wichita some time, and I, along with our child, would have gone with him. He would take responsibility and take care of his daughter, as well as the mother. (Those were his words, too). I do feel as if I exercised my freedom of choice. I'm thankful to know that I wasn't forced into an abortion, and that I did have choices to make. I believe in my heart that I made the right one, if not for all the right reasons. I have already talked to her about abortion, and she knows what can happen. She already knows that having an abortion doesn't guarantee the relationship she has with the father will stay the same, or that he'll even be around after. Like I've written before, and told her, I'll support her in whatever decision she makes, but I won't make it for her, or try to change her mind. She supported me and my decision, and that's exactly what I'll do for her.
Jenifer knows I'll help her in anyway I can. I told her what my experiences were after my abortion. The guilt, shame, sadness, depression, and especially how my relationship with Jeff changed afterwards. I told her again about my being on anti-depressants, and I wasn't doing it to scare her. I was only giving her information from somebody with first hand experience. She knows I'm only trying to help her, and that I want her to know the kinds of changes that will happen to her, physically and emotionally, as well as what could happen with the relationship she has with the father. I told her time and time again that I hope the father of her child treats her better than Jeff treated me. I wouldn't want her to have the kind of guy like I did; one that refuses to listen to me about my feelings, or even acknowledge that I'm depressed. But, I refuse to change her mind once she's made it up, and I will support her with whatever decision she makes. I just want to make sure that she makes the right decision for her, not for him. Jenifer doesn't need to hear from the father that he will lose his job and be run out of the city like I heard from Jeff. If you want, I can give you the website address to the radio station he works at, and feel free to write him with any comments, as well as me. He still doesn't realize that he can't change history, and I will always be the mother of his first child. Thank you for listening, and responding. You're very supportive, and I did tell Jenifer about this website. She knows that there is support out there for her, if it doesn't come from whom it needs to most.
~Kacee
