- Thanks, Melanie — Casey, Sat Dec 28 00:20
- Re: Thanks, Melanie — Anonymous, Sat Dec 28 01:04
- Re: Thanks, Melanie — Casey, Sat Dec 28 19:26
- You are welcome — Melanie, Sat Dec 28 00:50
Melanie
anger
Fri Dec 27 13:57:29 2002
Casey,
It is O.K. to feel angry with Jeff. In fact, it's a normal part of the grieving as well. However, just try to realize the difference between feeling angry and acting it out. I think you know this already, though.
It's really hard that he doesn't seem to care because you sacrificed so much to protect him, and now he isn't protecting you. I think most people would feel angry under such circumstances. Anger felt must come out in some way, so find more positive ways to express it. Someone once told me that it is possible to decide ahead of time that some things will not make me angry and that it helps to deal with the anger we do have when it isn't piled up. That was some of the best advice, really. I can decide ahead that I'm not going to be upset that I hit a red light, for instance and that is one less thing to deal with. I know there are limits to that approach, but just realize that the real loss is Jeff's and perhaps you can change some of that anger to pity. He deserves that more than anything.
If it helps, you might try keeping a journal to write down your thoughts. Write a heartfelt letter to Jeff about how you feel, then you can sit down and evaluate what is in the letter. I don't think you should actually send it... it's just helpful to put your thoughts down sometimes.
Anyway, my heart, as always, goes out to you. You deserve better, and someday I have a feeling you will find it.
--Melanie
