Short Stuff

Why do the inclusive persons want to call God the Father "He/She," but seem to be perfectly content with calling the devil a "he"?
--Anonymous

An English professor wrote the following words on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly:
"Woman without her man is nothing"
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothng."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

Just be thankful you're not getting all the goverment you're paying for.
--Will Rogers

Both candidates have come up with a gentleman's agreement for the debate. If Bush can't remember a fact or detail, Al Gore will make it up for him. --Jay Leno

One morning, a blonde calls her boyfriend and said, "Please come over and help me. I have this awesome jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The blonde's boyfriend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then he studies the box. He turns to her and says, "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these pieces to look like the picture of that tiger. Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.

Did you hear about the terrorist who took over a plane load of lawyers? He threatened to release one per hour until his demands were met.

"Never argue with an idiot; people won't be able to tell you apart."

"What part of MEOW don't you understand?"

"What do I do when my youth is all spent,
My get up and go has got up and went."
--Pete Seeger

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went: step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears, from laughing so hard, by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears, by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.