Casey
Re: hey
Tue Jan 14 18:00:47 2003
64.12.97.7
Jennifer~
I know that all I wanted to do, maybe even a little bit still is make sure the entire city knows what kind of person Jeff is. I talked to my psychologist today, and told her what kind of feelings I was having. She says that she couldn't believe that he said he wouldn't support me because he didn't know how, didn't want to, and didn't have to. It still hurts no matter how anybody puts it, but I guess it's come to a point to where I can't change the past, and only go on. Talking to people helps, but I still wish that Jeff were around to talk to. I was still the mother of his first child, no matter what. Jan (my psychologist) said that Jeff's pushing me away because I'm the reminder of the pregnancy, his child, and the abortion. I never really thought about it like that, but it does make sense. The complete opposite was me trying to hold on to him, and draw him closer. But, life goes on, and there's nothing I can do. I still think about the abortion everyday, and him. I try not to, but little things will always come up, or I'll hear or see something that reminds me of him. I'm sure that sometimes he sees or hears things that remind him of me.
I play the violin, so I do have something outside of school. I also run in the mornings, but since being on the medication, I get so tired that I don't want to do anything. But I'm beginning to think about things I want to do and learn to get my mind off Jeff at the very least. Maybe belly-dancing classes; I've always wanted to learn how to do that! :) I just thought of this; Nick probably read what I wrote you before, and saw Jeff's e-mail address at the station and radio name. I wonder if he'll write him, and let him know about everything I've written, or give him this address so he can see for himself. Who cares? It's like I hate Jeff now. He couldn't be there when I needed him most, so it's not going to bother me if he sees everything I've written. It's all true, and I've gotten support, which is what I need most.
My best friend is pregnant, and is going to have an abortion. I told her exactly what happens, and the kind of feelings she could be having afterwards. I'll be there, of course. She needs me now, and in a way, our roles are reversed. She took Jeff's place when he turned his back on me; now, I'm taking her boyfriend's place when he can't support her in the way she needs to be. I wish we lived closer; I don't even know where you live! Maybe sometime soon we could exchange addresses and write, or phone numbers. Good luck with classes, and everything else going on in your life. I wish the best for you.
~Kacee
