Chrissie
Things to think about
Mon Jan 6 22:29:14 2003
It would be nice when making choices to have 20/20 hindsight. But going into it, we have to do the best we can with what we know.
I once saw a decision-making brochure for surgical sterilization that asked some questions that probably would also be good things to think about before deciding to go through with an abortion.
One was, what if something happens to one of the children you already have? Would you regret no longer being able to have the number of children you hoped to have in your life? Now, that question was for people thinking of ending their reproductive lives, while most women tend to have abortions at the beginning of their reproductive lives, so you have to turn it around -- what would your feelings be if you lost your ability to later have the number of children you wanted to have in your life?
The statistics on abortion complications are so inconsistent, you can't measure the exact risk, but you can remember, "It's 100% if it happens to you." (A warning my oral surgeon gave me when I was considering jaw surgery; the remote risk of a particular complication led me to reject surgery I'd planned on having for ten years, because it woudln't be worth the trade-off. I've been grateful in the 15 years since then that he made such a pain in the butt of himself with his informed consent when I just wanted him to shut up and do the surgery!)
So for a women who is currently childless, or who plans to have more children at another time, she should consider which would be better in the long run, should she never be able to carry another pregnancy: having this baby, or having the abortion? Because if she is one of the women who experiences infertility or, God forbid, needing a hysterectomy, it will be 100% hers to deal with, regardless of how often or seldom it happens to abortion patients in general.
My sister had the heartbreak of multiple miscarriages when, in her 30s, she changed her mind about remaining childless. She never told us about any abortions, but from some comments she's made over the years, and especially during the string of miscarriages, I believe that there was at least one. She was tormented that she couldn't have a baby when she was ready for one in her life, and that she'd "blown the chance." Regardless of what caused my sister's miscarriages, they'd have been easier to deal with if she'd had a child to love, rather than the ache of being childless. She wasn't just coping with the loss of the pregnancies, but the continued empty nursery.
Another question on the brochure was would you regret this decision if your circumstances changed? This was to warn people against taking permanent measures to end their fertility because of difficulties that might be temporary.
I very nearly had an abortion of my third pregnancy (one miscarriage, one birth, to that point) because we were so desperately poor. But a friend helped us to address our financial problems and things were much better just a few months later. I was SURE that an abortion was the only answer, but just couldn't screw up the courage to make the appointment. How fortunate I was that my friend was able to help me! I'd have taken permanent steps to address a temporary problem, and I'd not have my wonderful son now. So I think that this question applies in both situations, sterilization and abortion, because I so very nearly chose abortion myself, not realizing the degree to which life gives you ups and downs, and that making a permanent rejection of a pregnancy during a down is a permanent loss. I shudder to think how close I came to not having my son.
Those were the two questions that really leaped out as being very important for making a decision that will effect you the rest of your life. I'll be keeping your friend in my prayers, that she makes a sound choice.
