Ramay
I understand...Here's my story
Wed Jun 19 15:05:23 2002
Hi,your story sounds very similar to mines. I recently had an abortion and right away i know it was the biggest mistake i ever made. I was very confused about what to do and i wish i could have read your story before it happened. Your story can save lives. I was 23 and a full-time college student. I was very concerned and worried about my future. I was taking care of my grandmother, who is 76 and has congested heart failure.(my grandmother raised me, my own mom was never there) I could go on and on about what was going through my mind...it was soo much. I had a fear of pregnacy. I had been depressed for sometime and a very very negative person. I was afraid that i wasn't going to be a good mother. when i thought about having a child, I thought of only negative things. I heard of how you lose yourself and you have to put your life on hold. I thought that having a child would worsen my depression. But my mom was a big factor and she didn't know this. But she needs me so much for support. She has been sick for a while, in and out of the hospital. I didn't know how much her condition affected me. I hate hospitals and don't trust doctors. Everyday she thinks she is going to die. I not very strong and I have a hard time dealing with sick people. But what can i do when i'm the only one. Please don't think I'm trying to make excuses. I know what happened was my fault and everyday i hurt from that...But talking does help.
In my mind I thought, A baby is really going to need me 24-7. And my mom needs me too, and i am already stressed out from that. Yes my boyfriend was going to help but everyone knows the women get the short end of the stick. always.
So I woke up oneday and went to the clinic. No one knew and i went alone. I should have went with someone but I didn't.
Yes my boyfriend wanted it and he doesn't agree with abortion. He was very supportive. The big problem I was having was can I handle having this baby mentally and emotionally?
and take care of my mother? I have problems letting go or getting over this experience.
Despite, all the problems I was having...I should have kept my babay. My baby was meant to be. If I could have thought positively I could have came up with ways to solve these problems. For example, I could have demanded that other people in the family have me out more. etc.
THE TRUTH IS THERE IS A WAY OUT...If money is the problem you can try to get help or give the baby up for adoption.
As for me now, I am very hurt. After I had the abortion, I thought about killing myself. I hated myself and I couldn't see how God could love me after this or forgive me. But God is not human. God is LOVE. He loves us unconditionally and wants to help us. People are quick to judge you or condemn you. This experience has changed me forever. I am changing my attitude and becoming a more positive person. I have an appreciation for life. Before this took place I didn't love myself or care much for my own life. I hope my story can help others too. If you want to talk you can email me at
Ramayj20@yahoo.com
I would like to talk to someone. It's time to start the healing process. But i will say this, I know this may sound silly but I plan on getting pregnant again. And this time i of course will keep it. The thought of having another baby gets me through the days. I know I can be a good mother and I want another chance...
Ramay
